The Prelude
by ginster-huendchen
Summary: After hurting each other, Fay and Kurogane are forced to talk to each other again... SPOILER: AcidTokyo
1. Black despair

**The Prelude**

Song: Prelude 12/21  
Interpret: AFI  
Pairing: KuroFay  
Anime: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle  
Genre: some kinda Shonen ai / philosophic / drama / sum kinda dark-fic?

The first Minute  
Fay's Point of View

Why?  
How could it have come to this?  
This... this... ah, this situation! Oh it sucked. Definitely!  
Slowly my eye scanned the area around me with an absent look. Nothing but ruins. Ruins and ashes. It was so... depressing within this situation. There sure was no place to go to forget everything that happened. I was able to forget anything - really! But THAT... no. It was not only forgetting it was forgiving. I couldn't forgive him for what he did to me.  
I always told him to leave my heart at its place. To leave me to my fate, what ever it was about to do with me. But he didn't listen. He said "It's not that you CAN'T die, it's that you WONT die. And if you do... only 'cause it was ME killing you - nobody else." Those were his exact words. HIS words. The words that caught me. Me and my heart. There was someone who cared about me. It was a strange feeling, I can tell you! It was strange but warm. Warm and caring. Different to his face. It was always like turned into stone. He showed no feelings and if he did it was low.  
I think his face was nearly like a little fire about to go out - every time the corners of his mouth seemed to raise a bit, I saw a little glimpse of this low fire. He seemed tired.

_This is what I brought you this you can keep,_

Even like me. I was tired, too but we were tired of different things. I was tired of being alive.  
It was so difficult to live with all these things behind me. My past was like a big Monster, chasing me and trying to outrun me... only to break me. To hit and bite me till I bleed for all I've done.  
A lathy smile sidled though my face.  
It was some kind of funny imagination, seeing a big monster beating the daylights out of me because I was a bad, bad boy. Yes. I was a bad boy. A naughty child no one wanted - even now.  
And still I'm forced to live on.  
It was a curse.  
The worst curse that could be laid on me. And it was laid by HIM. That one wanting to kill me - but when? When would he do it for god's sake! It really was a curse, it had to be! Living like this was terrible - a horrible thing for everyone. But fate chose me to carry those burdens. Sometimes it looked like fate worked together with him to bother me:  
Fate made decisions, Kurogane accomplished.  
Yeah, they sure had a thing like a pact or something. A pact only to turn my live to be like hell.

_This is what I brought you may forget me._

I was always hoping he would leave me in peace if I was bothering him enough but - it wasn't that way. The more I annoyed him the more he poked at my wounds. And this got more brutal with every touch.  
I never was able to figure out what he wanted from me and why but it was for sure: he would never let me go till he knew everything.  
And then? When he knew it all? What was he planning to do? Would he kill me then? Would he?  
Unsure of what to think my eye was panicky searching for a point to rest. Something I could leave my sight on but... it didn't find one. Yeah. My eye. That one left.  
I tried to reconstruct the pain when loosing the other one with my thoughts but just after a few seconds I noticed that it wasn't nearly possible. This pain in difference to the pain in my soul - I can't tell what was worst.  
I raised my hand and took a soft touch to my eye patch. I would never get rid of this thing anymore - don't ask me why, I just knew it.  
And it all was HIS fault.

_I promise to depart just promise one thing,_

I was so full of wishing to die if I had the chance and he... HE always stopped those happenings rescuing me with his own live. It was something I wanted to hate him for. Really HATE him.  
But I couldn't.  
I wasn't able to, I don't know why... Maybe only because... yeah, because of him. That person. That face. That character. That soul.  
Even if he was playing a little like a theatre-role of a brave soldier, there was a soft temper behind it and a great warm heart. I just had noticed that he hated it much as hell when I told him that I just knew that he only didn't want to show that. I think he was a little frightened of being hurt by someone. Was he frightened of being hurt by ME?  
Well... I was clueless.  
He could give such a warmth if he just wanted - sometimes he did and I could feel it but... I'm just a lonesome idiot. I always knocked him away when he was about to give me that warmth I always wanted. I was such an idiot! SUCH AN IDIOT!  
But why?  
Ah yeah... I remember. I didn't want him to come close so he wouldn't be too involved with me and my fucking situation. Damn it.  
I really sat in something like a dispute - I so wanted this warmth but... I couldn't take it. He wanted to give it to me but I couldn't take it!

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

It just drove me crazy.  
I couldn't take this offered warmth... so a perfect alternative would it to be killed by him - soon! He promised to do it - but when? I was waiting for so long, taking all those chances... It seemed, like fate and he both wanted me to take the other choice. To take this warmth. To let him getting involved with me too much. But even if I didn't take it - we would be standing near to each other 'cause of this vampire-thing.  
So then... there seemed to be nothing more to care about.  
Just give it a try.


	2. The vampire's cry

The second Minute  
Outer Point of View

"What is it?"  
the deep growling voice slowly crawled up to the core. Fay stood still, holding a glance on Kurogane. Sure it was like every time. Like always. The ninja noticed him no matter how quiet he tried to be. That looked just like him.  
"I just... wanted so see if you're okay... after that..."  
"After that fight we had? And after everything you said? ... Yeah. I'm all right."  
Fay stopped walking towards the other one, listening to his words to give them a gentle smile as an answer,  
"I hurt your feelings, didn't I, Kuro-puu?"  
"Don't talk such nonsense again!"  
Fay still smiled. Cute, cute.  
"That's unfair of you, Kuro-rin! You showed me your heart once, hiding again is against the rules, you know that."  
Kurogane kept silent.  
Yeah, the blonde one was right. A drawback was against their unwritten rules. And: yes, there were rules between them. Things that developed that way and decided by themselves to stay this way. This was one of them:  
If you once show your feelings a drawback isn't possible anymore - your counterpart already noticed it. If you want it or not.  
The black haired one fold his arms with a sigh. This time he was the one not being able to escape.  
"So then... keep them under your hat!"  
"Your feelings?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Hm..."  
Fays smile faded and he dared to move again, step by step, decreasing the big desistance between them. Now, when they knew about each others thoughts, it was completely different than every time. Than always.  
'Always' was so important to them till now. Because every little thing had it's way to go. That way it took every time. That way it took always.  
Today, 'always' would stop and never come back again, that was for sure.  
"Why do you want me to keep quiet about it? Am I not allowed to ask you about it?"  
"It just doesn't matters, okay?"

_This is what I brought you this you can keep,_

Fay got sure that he could hear his feelings again within the voice of the other one speaking,  
"You told me your point of view, I told you mine. And it's the same as always. I don't understand you and you don't understand me. It's just like always or did you think it should be different this time?"  
Finally Kurogane turned around to take a look at his... conversional partner. If you could call him like that...  
"Yeah..."  
Fays voice got down to a slow whisper,  
"I think it should be another way this time."  
"And witch one?"  
Give it a try, just give it a try... talk to him.  
"I think this time we should care about understanding each other - don't forget that YOU were the one making me contingent on you. I'll be around till anyone of us dies, if you want it or not."  
"So you think only because I'm 'E' we have to be like friends?"  
"No, it's not that..."  
Fay got troubled by searching for the right words,  
"It's just like... ah, I only want to understand you! Wasn't this the situation you always wanted? You wanted me to talk to you. To lay my feelings down like a bunch of cards in a poker game!"  
His voice got a little louder. Now that he had nothing more to loose it was okay to freak out a little bit.  
"Now! Here I am! Look at me, I'm standing in front of you, giving that what you want - you CAN'T tell me you don't want it anymore!"

_This is what I brought you may forget me._

Strike.  
Kurogane kept quiet with a surprised expression on his face, drowning in thoughts about... everything. Whatever... Fay took his chance to explain. Now. Now he was prepared for the final round. He kept silent on everything for his whole damn live - and that was his moment. The moment for his story to come out.  
Or was it not?  
Anyway, he hit the spot. There was no return.  
Without waiting any longer his words bubbled out like water out of a source - they couldn't be held back any longer. They couldn't.  
"You were right, I really am the biggest looser anyone has seen. Yeah, I'm just a bald looser, keeping silent on everything! And YES! I REALLY wanted to DIE! I did everything for it, I was prepared for death and then...!"  
The magician threw up his hands, gesturing in wild ways.  
"Then there was YOU! YOU told me I WONT die because YOU would be the only one allowed to kill me! You promised! And I was always waiting! But instead of killing me, you were scratching my heart, kicking it like there was no tomorrow!"  
He took a break for just a few seconds to take a breath,  
"My question is: WHY? Why did you do that to me?"  
"Don't start it over like earlier..."  
"SHUT UP! I wasn't able to run away all that time - so now YOU are the one being bound in chains! I wont allow you to run away! You started it and you'll end it!"

_I promise you my heart just promise to sing,_

"Hey..."  
"FOR GOD'S SAKE - TELL ME! What did I do to you for being like this?!"  
The blonde's voice cracked, getting louder with every word. Tears running down his face. He moved like he wanted to destroy everything around him, just being brutal to let it out. Just to let those feelings out that were hiding for so long. All this black despair, all the sadness... Slowly Fay walked over to Kurogane, grapping his clothes, looking up to him, still shouting,  
"Stop staring at me like this - tell me!"  
Those feelings... Kurogane wasn't able to say anything. Fays reaction just finished him off. He didn't expect it, not even in his dreams that something like this would happen only because he wanted to help this lonely person. Just because of trying to be a little kind and caring. He took a deep breath.  
This eye. The vampires eye. It really scared him a bit. In combination with that behaviour it was really a situation he couldn't escape from, whatever he did.  
Still remaining silent he watched another tear rolling down Fays cheek. Yes. He really got to this point he was 'working' for all that time. But he never expected that it would come to this - and now?  
"Tell me..."  
just a tearful whisper.

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

The black haired just took some deep breaths again by watching his counterpart going down on his knees. This man really was broken. And just 'broken' was not enough to transcribe it. Really.  
Fay did his part in their final fight.  
Now it was his turn to come clean.

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._


	3. Coming clean

The third Minute  
Kurogane's Point of View

It was kind of common that the Mage had his tricks to surprise me, but this time it was outrageous. His reaction was not only surprising... it benumbed me. Me and my whole body.  
That picture of him, kneeing in front of me, ripping on my clothes, crying at me to explain him my thoughts and feelings because he did now and wanted equivalent payback because he knew I had to handle it like this... I just had to be fair, it's just a principle. For him this principle chanced.  
Being unfair with him wasn't nearly as bad for me as being the same with somebody else. He kind of deserved a little punishment.  
And for me it really was just a little - for him it seemed to be more than anything.  
Slowly I calmed my breath down and grabbed his shoulders, still staring on him.  
"Stop shou-..."  
"Don't tell me something like this! I want the TRUTH, nothing else!"  
He raised his head. It looked like he was going to cut me half with his glare, if I would stay by refusing my answer.  
With a sigh I grabbed his hands,  
"Let off me and I will tell you."  
I promised.

_This is what I thought,_

Slowly with the ghost of a quiver his hands let off my shredded clothes. I grabbed them again and pulled him up on his feet. Somehow it felt disgusting to talk about feelings and so on with a person kneeing in front of me... well, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop him staring at me, but it really was nearly enough if he wasn't holding on me for the whole time.  
Without any second to wait I let off his hands and took some distance.  
That felt better someway... Without thinking of some words to say I just started in the same style as the blonde,  
"So you want to know, why I always was interested in your story and your feelings...?"  
He nodded, seeming unsure what to do now.  
"The first time we met I didn't expect something like this behind you but during our journey I noticed that every one of us was telling about himself in some situations - every one but YOU."  
I turned away to take some steps. It was driving me nervous only standing still while giving such a long explanation of my behaviour. I wasn't used to vindicate myself.  
"We all just know those things about you anyone else is able to know just by watching you acting. So, if we are particular about it: you're a total stranger. To all of us."

_I thought you need me,_

Yes. That was something I always wanted to tell him: How strange he seemed to me notwithstanding how long I knew him now. In between we had to stay together without the children and shiro-manjuu for half a year and even by watching him all of this time I didn't come to know him better.  
Well... yes, after this it only got even worse.  
The vampire still looked at me with a probing glare. It seemed like he wasn't expecting that I really cared about him. Just after I noticed at that time that he was nothing but a poor thing looking for comfort I couldn't control myself feeling pity with him.  
When I was a child I already felt pity for someone really fast and did everything to help out... it was just like a course that I couldn't wean myself from doing so! More like that I hated myself for this.  
Just like in this moment when I looked at that poor idiot in front of me. I hated myself for feeling pity with him. And I hated myself more and more for not being able to explain that.  
Where were all those words I nearly planned to say when this situation still was far away?

_This is what I thought so think me naive,_

"It doesn't explain why you are scratching my wounds till it chases my in dreams..."  
again I took a look up to the blonde one. He tried to hold enough strength so keep this a conversation. I could see that with one look in his eye.  
I sighed. I had nothing to loose! He gave up all pride so why shouldn't I do so, too? If I wouldn't, that moment only would got a question of time... remember: we were forced to spend our lives together now.  
"Listen, Fay..."  
It was the first time I said his name. His eye got big at this moment, expressing to be more than only surprised, together with his body-language. Well... I was surprised by myself, too! His name sounded weird vocalised by my voice.  
"...I just wanted to help you, even if it didn't look like that, okay?"  
"Why are YOU worried...?"  
"...sometimes I wonder if you are really that stupid, man!"  
Now it was me getting louder in the heat of the moment,  
"YOU were the one pronouncing our team as a FAMILY! A family is not only living together, it's being strong for each other and the most important: it's caring about each other! So now! Why am I not allowed to care about you and you are allowed to care about me? Where's the logic in all of this?!"

_I promise you a heart you'd promise to keep,_

I really started getting angry, don't ask me why.  
It felt like someone lit a fire inside me. Like I suddenly knew that there was something standing in front of me what I had to fight for. Something important. Something precious. Something that needed help. Something that needed MY help... More than that.  
SomeONE needing my help!  
My heart was like beating as strong as my voice got telling Fay these words of explanation. Yes. That was the spot.  
We were all strangers to each other and grew together as something like a family. In a family everyone is caring about everyone. No excuses. I don't know what possessed me in that moment to act that strange but... this feeling. It was... yeah, strange by itself. I don't know how to express it in other ways.  
I felt something like to be linked with this people. They got important to me. Maybe because of my past.  
I don't know. Really.

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

"But..."  
Fays face showed a dazed smile,  
"But I thought you don't care about all this stuff I said."  
"Do I really look like that?"  
"Yeah... you DID... but now..."  
he looked inward.  
I don't know what force was controlling him at this moment, but I think it was the same as that force controlling my action a few seconds before that.  
Slowly he walked over to me, breaking the distance I built minutes ago.  
"But now it's a different thing."  
I got confused,  
"What do you mean by that?"  
He suddenly smiled. It was not that happy-go-lucky-smile like always. It was a smile that caught me. It looked serious. A serious, REAL smile.  
"Do you think we can stay like a family after those things happening here?"  
"Hm..."  
I didn't have to think for long. In this situation direction was better by heart than by brain,  
"Why shouldn't we?"  
"Because mommy and daddy had a big, bad fight."  
Fay smiled once more.  
I puffed a relieved sigh,  
"That's something that happens ever and ever again - I think we can get over it, can't we?"

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

"So daddy still loves mommy?"  
"Yeah... he does."

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._


End file.
